Rant 101

I'm about to fall asleep in my own desk.
Fall asleep over the computer.
If only I would close my eyes... just for a moment... or two...

Not even the sugar is making me feeling less sleepy.

Why do I rant so much these days? Really, everything is reaching my nerves. Damm.

Times like these...

There are times and moments that make me feel I'm out of this world, even out of my body. I can't think straight of what I intended to do or what I was going to do. Then I look to the nearest watch and time have passed by while I was lost in some fantasy world that I can't even describe very well.

This often happens when I'm "trying" to work in front of my tv, with the tv on in some crazy shows that I normally would never watch, unless I was really bored or had a some kind of brain damage*. But the living room is comfortable than being at the desk. The living room is warmer and I can see the mountain and the blue sky, my room and workspace is cold, dark and the internet sucks there. Why not going to the office? I don't want to walk there, because I have to carry half the world on my shoulders, then it's cold there, it's dark too, because it's a basement. Sometimes I feel like it's a cubicle and most of the times I can't even see the backyard very well.

With all that said I need to get out of this cycle and work.

*I can't use spotify because my computer is going crazy with the internet making all the musics sound like crazy remix, I can't use itunes because I can't install it on the computer. Some component it's giving error and It's driving me crazy not having a way to listen to my music. This also increases the time I just turn the tv on to listen something. It's insane.

It's insane easier to surf the web in my tiny and slow tablet than in my pc!?!
I love my pc, but sometimes I just want to throw it out of the window, smash it with a hammer or just scream out loud with it. (guess the one that I actually do sometimes... yeap scream and call it bad names).

I'm just going to break, I mean wash some dishes before going back to this pc-madness.

Começos e re-começos

este início de ano foi bastante sui generis. e lamechices à parte, o início foi tão intenso - cheio de promessas de coisas novas e projectos interessantes que não estava à espera de ter
um precalso logo logo a seguir. isto de familaires engripados é uma chatice, que se torna ainda mais chata quando a seguir ficamos nós.

mas o precalso está quase ultrapassado, e enquanto o ultrapasso vou abrindo caminho para regressar aos projetos que 2014, enquanto puder, eles não me vão fugir assim tão facilmente. 

e se falo em re-começos é porque quero voltar a esse caminho que ando a desbravar, é porque quero me tornar independente. é um longo caminho, mas com projetos interessantes vou-me divertir à brava...

"- Mundos - balbuciou ela entre dentes. - Mundos de diferança. Mas eu consigo fazer isto."

"E perguntou-se onde teria ela deixado o resto de si. E porquê."

"E, fechando os olhos, cedeu à exaustão de ter de fingir ser normal."

living in a bubble

detail of an illustration

she felt like she lived in bubble.
sometimes, some days she could hear what was going outside. she could hear, but not completely understand it. there was always bits, parts, chunks that she couldn't quite get it.

it is hard to reach the outside of the bubble. unconsciously sometimes she doesn't even try to reach out, she is so wrapped with her own little bubble, with her little world, her (and hers only) world.

[it's easy to lose track of reality]

[it's easy to disconnect]

[it's easy to live in a fantasy]

head on the clouds | 012/365

Well last week I was down, because I was sick, this week it's my family that isn't that well. Nothing serious (I hope, I guess we are all hoping that) but the going to the doctor as been more than the regular.
The regular feeling as been that head in the clouds. Can't focus for too long on something, can't manage to do things that I know that I have to do. When I finally do realise about time, it's usually too late.

Truth is that, though I might think this kind of things can't affect me, they get me in the end (middle or elsewhere).

I need to organize my head, my life, and also accept a couple other things, until then I'll be in the clouds.

2014

At this time of the year many people wish good things that the new year shall bring. I have no idea what this new year will bring.

What I hope to act this year is totally different thing.
I hope to stand my ground, and keep the promises I make to myself.
I'll be 25, and I hope, that  even before that I start to work on fulfilling some of my dreams and personal projects.

(I know that won't be easy, mainly because it's hard for me to keep the promises and commitments that I made with myself, the others and the commitments I made with others come in first place. Saying no, and I can't to the others hasn't being an option, but will have to be sometimes. Other way it won't be possible to achieve my goals. - and I have so many of them. So many that I have been postponing just because of this and that and others.)

but things might change... if i stand my ground...